Tropical coconut rats are huge, almost the size of an opossum. They nest in the crowns of palm trees and are able to crack coconut shells with their teeth. They don’t restrict themselves to trees and can be a dreadful nuisance. They are able to gnaw their way through wood and wire with their sharp teeth, and will eat anything they can get their paws on. I fought these rodents for almost 40 years, they are the bane of any restaurateur in the tropics.
Mac’s new extension at the Pizzeria was a thing of beauty, a lovely outdoor patio under a magnificent plum tree just a few steps down from the main dining room. It became my favorite place to sit when not busy in the kitchen as it allowed me to keep an eye on the entire dining room. Eventually the tree would die and a roof would cover the extension, but for many years it was open to the elements and offered a peaceful place for me to rest and collect my thoughts.
One day I was busy working in the kitchen, the dining room was filled with people eating lunch and socializing. I could see the extension from my vantage point by the back window, and had noticed four ladies being seated at table 6. They were nicely dressed and wearing big straw hats, typical tourists having a nice ladies’ luncheon in paradise.
Suddenly I heard one lady exclaim in a drawling southern accent, “Goodness, look at the size of that squirrel!” SQUIRREL!!?? Alarmed, I followed her pointing finger to my neighbor’s back yard and there, sitting up on its hind legs, was one of the biggest coconut rats I had ever seen. Oh great, just what every restaurateur needed, a rodent being observed from the dining room! The huge rat was right by the fence dividing the Old Fig Tree and the Pizzeria and was too close for comfort …… it wouldn’t be long before the ladies noticed that the animal didn’t have a squirrel’s bushy tail!
To my even greater alarm I saw my neighbor Geoff Wallace appear in the yard with his shot-gun and take aim. I screamed, “Mr. Wallace! Noooooo!!”, but it was too late. All I could think as I watched the rat explode in pieces all over my lovely extension was that the ladies would never know it hadn’t been a squirrel!