Funny Wedding

Our friends Bob Berlinghof and Maranne Hazell were getting married, and we had been invited to their wedding over on the mainland.  I had met them shortly after my arrival in the ‘70s, Bob as skipper of a charter boat and Maranne as manager of a restaurant at Blue Lagoon in St. Vincent.  I first met Bob at Guildford Stowe’s rum shop in Friendship, he was on Bequia to play his guitar with a local band and was distinctive by his mop of curly red hair.  I met Maranne on board Bob’s boat Apogee not long afterwards.

Mac and I left Vanessa with Momma and went to St. Vincent along with several other friends of Bob and Maranne’s from Bequia.  It was going to be a seriously odd mix of people at the wedding, which meant it was bound to be fun!  We would be spending the night with friends on the mainland, others would be staying on boats, and spirits were high as we headed across the channel.

The wedding and reception were being held at the home of Paddy and Tipi Punnett.  They had a lovely garden where an arch of palm branches had been made for the bride and groom.  The arch was festooned with colorful tropical blossoms, perfect for an outdoor wedding in the Caribbean.

Bob and Maranne had not been able to find a minister willing to marry them outside a church and they didn’t want a formal church wedding.  They decided to get married at the registry office in Kingstown, then party afterwards.  Their plans changed two days before the wedding when they heard of a taxi driver named Mr. Charles,  formerly a radio preacher in Aruba who was still a licensed marriage officer.  Pastor Charles agreed to marry Bob and Maranne in the garden as long as he didn’t have to go against scripture and the couple were pleased …….the registry office was such a dreary place!

The guests gathered in the garden and waited for the ceremony to begin.  Some had dressed up for the wedding, others had a “come as you are” type of wardrobe, and I knew pretty well everyone present. As Bob and Maranne stood under the bridal arch the heavens opened up and the rain came down, and it came down HARD.  It happened at exactly the same time Pastor Charles asked if anyone present had an objection to the couple being bound in Holy Matrimony! There was no choice but to move everyone inside, leaving the arch to droop under the torrential downpour.

The taxi-driving minister made me laugh so hard I had tears streaming down my face.  He drew an analogy between marriage and the engine of a car, and he had quite a way with words.  He solemnly advised the groom to keep his wife oiled and greased at all times to keep her from rusting, and had similar words of advice for the bride.  The guests were howling with mirth, it was the funniest wedding ceremony I have ever been to!

In the middle of the ceremony one guest had the bad manners to sit down and light up a fat spliff, he alone seemed to be bored and just wanted to get the party started.  The weed must have given him the munchies because he crossed the room to cut a chunk out of the wedding cake before the bride and groom had a chance to do so ceremoniously.  I figured he had not been to many weddings,  he had worn just a leather vest with ragged shorts and no shoes and looked in need of a bath.  He was a friend and had been invited so I figured Bob and Maranne would forgive him, but I stopped him from cutting into the wedding cake in the nick of time!

That was a party to end all parties. Bob jammed with the terrific local band  “Ex-A-Dus” as we drank, ate curried goat and danced with abandon.  Poor Maranne missed most of it, after drinking too much champagne (not to mention the effects of a magic brownie!) she passed out in a bedroom and slept through the night. To this day she bemoans the fact that she missed her own wedding reception, and those of us who were there assure her that a good time was had by all……..